The Beginning

I meant to post this last week but procrastination… 

Before I get into the details of my first visit I want to do the whole buyer beware thing for people since I want to avoid any instances of butt-hurt as I have a penchant for offending people. So here’s the deal: 

– I curse a lot. I don’t even try to censor myself. If this offends you, try to remember that words are just words. If they offend you so much, you might want to ask you what it is about them that bother you and why you can’t get past that. 

– I tend to be very opinionated about the body positive movement when it comes to the long term health consequences of being morbidly obese or extremely thin. I don’t care what someone’s blood values say, I don’t care how someone feels in their 20s. Bad health habits will and do catch up to a person. This honestly goes for everything but since it’s a blog about weight, I’m leaving the caveat there. But I do dislike smoking, excessive drinking, and all that shit. I’m not really a fun musician at all. 

– Some of my posts will have to do with abuse since this is an emotional journey. I will do the whole “trigger warning” thing even though I feel this phrase is overused as fuck and think that people need to stop expecting the world to recognize that everyone deserves a “safe space” because there’s no such thing. 

I think that about covers it so if you’re still there, cool. If I’ve lost some people along the way, that’s good because I don’t want that sort bothering me. Oh, and for the record, there’s no talk of Jesus in this fucking blog. Jesus isn’t helping me lose weight. Self control and medical science is. That needed to be said too. 

So, I had my first visit with my doctor on June 11th. I’ll refer to him as Dr. R for the time being as I’m not sure what the deal is with mentioning him by name. I’ll ask him next time I talk to him. My first appointment was spent filling out a ton of paperwork much of it was the standard medications and medical history. Then there was the part about what diets I’d tried and how I did on them. If you’re thinking of going through this process, I suggest you think about this ahead of time because I didn’t and I had a hard time answering these questions. 

Once I finished the paperwork I was brought in for my intake with the nurse who was awesome. She had a ton of tattoos and gauges in her ears so I knew immediately that this doctor would get me since I’m goth as fuck. She asked me more questions about my family history and pregnancy shit (I fucking hate the idea of being a parent so that was all set). Then I got to be weighed on this futuristic scale that looked like it was going to teleport me back to the Enterprise. It had these special things I had to hold on to which gave them information about my body composition (fat, water, etc). This is something I need to do every time I go there. Beam me up Scotty… 

I was then brought to an exam room and Dr. R came in to check me over, saw where my fat distribution was. Which is mostly in my legs but I definitely have it in my gut and my arms. But I am definitely a thick thighed bitch. Anthropologically, this means that I would have been a very suitable candidate for motherhood since fat stored in the legs is often used up post partum. But, oh well, no sell. Shit’s going bye bye another way. 

Once that was done, Dr. R had my husband and me meet with him in his office where we went over my history again and we talked about my very poor eating habits. I am a binge eater and a snack attack master. The binge eating is a hold over from my bulimia which I’ll probably get into at a later date (tRigGEr wArnINg) and the snacking is just me being bored as fuck or emotional eating because I have some emotional shit I’m not dealing with. It’s stuff I could probably address if I did the HALT thing (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) which, again, I will get into later. 

He gave me some instructions which included what to eat for the next several months. At the moment I am eating protein bars several times a day and a meal with a lot of protein and vegetables. I get about 100 grams a protein a day and roughly 1000 calories. To be honest I was kind to psyched at first to be eating protein bars three times a day but now I would kill to have a regular breakfast of eggs or something. This idea of eating candy every day is gross. It will be too soon if I never taste chocolate again and I wonder if that’s the reason why he has me doing this. Maybe he’s trying to break me down so I hate candy. 

Up to this point I haven’t gone to the gym because I’ve been trying to get used to the eating part of it but the gym is starting tomorrow. I have to do the treadmill and strength training. He didn’t specify how many days a week but I’m starting at 3 days and working up until I’m going every day. 

A battery of tests and appointments have been ordered so my next two months look like this: 

6/26: Abdominal ultra sound to look at my liver size, kidneys, gallbladder. Chest x-ray. Blood work. Upper GI series. 

6/27: Pre-op test for endoscopy / visit with primary care doctor to get her up to speed

7/6: Psych eval with therapist for emotional issues with eating and to make sure I’m not going to freak out after the surgery

7/7: Endoscopy 

7/17: Cardiology appointment to follow up on arrhythmia and to schedule cardiac work up (Stress test and cardiac ultrasound) 

8/2: Follow up with Dr. R. 

8/17: Appointment with nutritionist 

So as you can see, there are a lot of people getting involved in my life. This doesn’t include the support groups I’m required to go to and the other things that will more than likely pop up along the way. But so far, this is what it looks like. There is a TON of accountability on the medical side of things and there is accountability at home as well from my husband and some of my friends. My family is not involved at this time as I have not spoken with my mother in over a month. Sing it with me now: I will get into that later. But I am fortunate to have a very supportive cousin and step-sister who have been in my corner for all of this. 

It’s going to be an interesting ride and so far I’ve only had one slip up but I’ve lost 3 pounds. I will post my stats as my weight goes down more. At the moment it’s kind of a touchy subject for me but I will keep tabs on the dates and I will post something about that in the future along with some progress photos. 

For now, welcome to the journey and thanks for reading this long as fuck entry. 🙂